The Monkey Mafia

They have only one strict rule here at Pinewood Village. Under any circumstances "DON'T FEED THE MONKEYS!" So you know of course what I did. I smuggled a bun back to my room, and wanted to get a good close up picture of the monkeys. What damage could one small hunk of bread do. I went out on my balcony and put a piece on the ralining. Suddenly the whole balcony was awash with chattering monkeys - demanding monkeys. They were very cute and nice until the bun was gone. Then they turned into Tony Saprano and his gang. They refused to believe I was out of bread. They demanded more. They got hostile and chased me back into my room. After a while they left, so I went out on my balcony again, and bingo they were back. During the night they left me a reminder of what happens when you don't meet there demands. A pile of Monkey poo by the door. They've posted sentries so every time I even go near the door there waiting. What's worse is I've got a whole bunchof stuff on the balcony they're holding hostage. I might have to leave it behind.
So forget about my warnings about charging leopards and stampeding angry elephants. If you come to Africa, whatever you do "DON'T FEED THE MONKEYS"
Hope to get my stuff off the balcony and begin the 24 hour marathon to Toronto and then home on Saturday.

Living the Good Life in Kenya

After leaving Satao Rock camp, my guide who has been with me the past five days, drove me up to the Northern end of Tsavo West park. This is the area where the “man eaters of Tsavo” came from. It was made into a movie starring Val Kilmer and Michael Douglas. It was about two lions that devoured over 140 railway workers in a couple of years.

A simple jaunt of only 180km and taking about three hours. From there we drove 35 Km into the bush to Kilaguni Serena Lodge. Imagine driving through bush on rutted tracks and suddenly coming to a luxury lodge that would rival Banff or Fairmont Hot springs! It’s like driving through the Nevada desert and suddenly coming into Las Vegas.



When I checked in, I was shocked to find that I had been moved to one of their few suites which usually go for 550 a night! It was about twice as big as my son, Elan’s downtown Vancouver Condo - a huge living room-dining room, master bedroom, fuzzy robe and slippers - the whole nine yards. Outside the gorgeous dining room is a water hole where there were about a dozen animals grazing and drinking. You don’t even have to put down your fork and knife to see the wildlife here. Too bad it was only for one night.

THE NEXT DAY


Another long day driving over 250 km back to Mombassa and to my final destination, the Pinewood Village. This was a pleasant surprise again - at the end of Diani Beach, which is a crowded tourist area. A small hotel with about 24 rooms and 8 suites. No suite this time, but that’s okay. Room’s are very nice, air conditioned - the hotel would not be out of place in the Caribbean Ocean. Have to keep the balcony door closed. The monkeys are always trying to get into the room to look for “treats.”


The diving here outside the hotel is “okay.” Nothing spectacular. Most of my dives have been with just me and Caroline, a tall blonde lady from Switzerland. The funny thing is that since I’ve arrived in Kenya, I have seen a total of one American and one Canadian couple. It’s really a European destination. Too bad. If people knew how nice it is here and how much value they get for their dollar, they’d flock here, despite the 20 hour travel time. The Kenyan people know that tourism is their 2nd largest industry and go to great lengths to make you happy, so you’ll tell your friends and relatives to come here. North America could learn a lot for them. It’s also funny here, as they prefer Euro’s to American dollars.

KISTE MARINE PARK AND MPUNGUT MARINE RESORT
The last scheduled event on this marathon trip was day outing to the Kistie Marine Park and Mpunguti Marine Resort. This was going to be another two hours there and two hours back, and frankly, I was getting toured out and was tempted to skip it - except that I had already prepaid the diving, so I reluctantly dragged my self up at 5:00am so I could make the 6:30am pickup. The shuttle bus picked up another 8 or 10 people along the way. When we arrived at the dock to take the boat over to the reserve, I was informed by Sally, who owns and runs the resort, that the other six divers had canceled and I would have my own Dhow and crew of six to go and do what ever I wanted for the next four hours.

While I had not been impressed with the diving in Kenya so far, the diving here was fantastic. The deep colours of the reef and the amazing amount of fish, had me checking to make sure that my regulator didn’t fall out of my open mouth. They were the two best dives since Micronesia. There were lots of Manta Rays, eels, and herds of sea turtles.

When I got back to the lodge on Wasini Island for lunch I was in for another surprise. The agenda called for an original “Swahili Lunch.” When I hear the word “original” I tend to get nervous, but like my experience in the Queen Charlotte Islands, the lunch lived up to it’s billing.

I was brought a huge Mangrove Crab in the shell. It looks a lot like our Dungeoness Crabs - but I was told this was a small one. In addition I was brought a basket of marinated fish pieces and deep fried Coconut. When I finished, what I thought was lunch, they told me that was only the appetizer! I was brought a whole fried red snapper cooked again in a coconut and lime marinade, and a Swahili dish that consisted of rice on what looked like flattened pitas, covered in sauce. It was very hard to move after that. Of course I had to wash this down with several beers.

Today is my last full day in Kenya. Tomorrow afternoon I begin the long trip back. Hope to be home sometime on Saturday.

Jeff

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

I am constantly amazed at my Raza, ravel agent. Just when I think it can’t get better it does, particularly in terms of accommodations. I thought that Satao Camp was luxurious with my “suite’, so I had little expectation for their auxiliary camp, Satao Rock camp. A smaller tent lodge based high on a rock bluff overlooking the Savannah. On a clear day you can see Mr. Kilamonjero.

Although Satao Rock Camp is only 18 km from the other camp, it took two hours to get there. The camp has eight “tents”, but only one other was occupied so I basically had the camp to myself. The “tent” here was even nicer than any of the others, with a balcony overlooking the Savannah below, and a water hole where the animals come to drink during the hot season. Unfortunately it is the cold season, so not too much there. The tent has all the amenities of the others and is attached to a large stone washroom featuring a huge bathtub and shower.

After an afternoon game drive, they took me higher up on the rock bluff to see the sunset. They had porters bring up director chairs, a table and drinks. I like sunsets, and this one was particularly spectacular.

It’s a bit weird when I’m dining, as there is a staff of about 8 looking after me and just a couple of other guests. This morning,, the resident guide showed up with an armed guard and took me and the other guest for a two hour “nature” walk. The problem with some of these camps is that they keep me so busy I hardly have time to enjoy them. One night a few hours then on to the next one.

An Elephant Never Forgets!

A two hour bone rattling jaunt up the Kenya super highway takes one to the gates of Tsavo National Park. At nearly 22,000 sq. km it is the largest park in Kenya and is split into Tsavo East and West. I’ve been booked into Satao Camp. Camp is not really a great descriptive name for it - it is really quite luxurious. It consists of 20 tents and cabins and one “suite.” I was booked into one of the tents, but some girls from England swapped me for their suite, since the tents had multiple beds and the suite only one - unlucky me. The camp is run by “Bobby” an ex-pat Swiss who bears an uncanny resemblance to Christopher Lloyd in “Back to the Future.” When I mentioned it to one of the other guests, he nearly fell off his chair laughing.

My “tent” is even more luxurious than Fig tree. A very large tent with multiple lights, a writing table and sitting area. An attached washroom has a large show and a bathtub as well as the toilet. There is a raised patio that has two chairs a small table, and a large table with two more chairs. The whole area overlooks the Savannah and three tree just outside is full of monkeys and Baboons. A herd of Antelope is less than a hundred feet outside. About a quarter mile from my balcony is a water hole complete with mandatory hippo and crocodile. All the meals are served by chefs in starched white uniforms.

I’m attached to Henry, who will act as my guide the whole time I’m there. As there is only one other English speaking guest, there is only two of us in a Land Rover that seats 8.

It soon becomes clear that, because of it’s huge size, Tsavo Park doesn’t offer the amount of close encounters with wild life that Masi Mara did. It’s sort of like going to a county fair after you’ve been to Disneyland. After two days, the most exciting thing I saw was a couple of lions sleeping on the road. And after seeing up to 30 lions in a single day at Masi Mara I wasn’t too impressed.

At dinner I met Simon, a chap from England who was at Satao Camp for a couple of days. Simon appeared to be well off, judging from the pictures of his home in England, that appears to look much like Buckingham palace. It appears the family estate was mentioned several times by D.H. Lawrence in “Sons and Lovers.”

After swapping stories about our adventures, which included my telling Simon about my recent close encounter with the Leopard, and other adventures with sharks and Killer whales, Simon commented he doesn’t think he’d like to go on Safari with me as Animals seem to take a liking to chasing me. Little did I realize how prophetic his words would be.

Anyone who has grown up in North America knows that you don’t get between a mother bear and her cubs. There is a parallel case in Africa. Don’t get between a bull elephant and his herd.

We were trundling down the road when we spotted some elephants. About a half dozen on one side of the road, and a large single elephant on the other. I asked Henry to stop so we could take some pictures. As I was snapping away the large single elephant seemed to notice us and began to amble towards us - faster and faster. Suddenly he was running down the road straight towards his huffing and shaking his head angrily from side to side. Henry pulled slowly away as I was shooting. When we got a few yards down to road, the elephant stopped chasing us and began to rejoin his herd. That’s when I made mistake number two.

As he was not facing me, I started to shout at him, hoping he’d turn around so I could get some more good shots. Obviously the elephant didn’t appreciate the verbal abuse and turned and began to come after us again. At that point, since I had all the footage I needed, I politely suggested to Henry that he floor it and get us the f**ck out of there.

The next day was my last day at Satao Camp and I had an early morning game drive. We were barely a mile out of camp when we found the road blockaded, by…. Guess who?? My buddy the bull elephant and four of his buddies! Of all the elephants in all the countries in the world… I want to tell you something, folks. The saying is true: Elephants never do forget. My buddy came after me again. We had to take a 30 minute diversion to get back to camp since he and his buddies wouldn’t give up the right of way.

On my last night at Satao Camp I was treated to an enormous electrical storm that shook and rocked the tent all night. It was really quite spectacular. Tomorrow I go to an out camp, Satao Rock Camp.

Making an Ass of Myself (Donkey, that is)

After the four days in Masi Mara park I was looking forward to Mombassa. The flight was uneventful. The only strange thing is that Kenyans don’t seem to worry about the silly ban on using your cell phone on the plane. Fully half of them were gabbing on their cell phones and text messaging the whole trip back. Almost ALL of Kenya is covered by cell phone coverage. In fact Kenya, has for the most part, skipped the hard wire telephone and gone directly wireless phones. Now if they could only do the same on Internet where the word “broadband” and wireless don’t exist - even in the capitol city of Nairobi. But if experience is any teacher, they’ll make the leap in the next two or three years at most.

There was someone at the airport to meet me and take me to Bamburi Beach Hotel. Which, on the surface, is a beautiful resort right on the Indian Ocean. It is sort like the full board resorts we see in Mexico and the Caribbean. A porter took my bags to my room on the ground floor overlooking the pool and ocean, and that’s when the cracks began. The key that was suppose to go in the wall after you enter to turn on the elecricity and air conditioning was broken, so a walk back to reception to get another. The key worked for the electricity, but the air conditioning worked, so back again to get a technician. Finally I locked my valuables in the room safe and found I could not get it open again. Evidently they gave me the wrong code, but the person who could fix it wouldn’t be back for a day.


I attempt to speak Swahili at every opportunity. Kenyan’s look at me like I’m Francis the honking talking Zebra- evidently nobody but black Kenyan speaks Swahili as Kenya is bilingual . They actually bring people out of the kitchen to hear me talk. Of course I have a few language accidents. Every time I saw a Zebra I’d shout out “ Look Punda Milia (a striped donkey). But I’d mispronounce the last word and it would come out:
“look a donkey prostitute!” Which, of course, is met with gales of laughter. But, in all seriousness, they go out of their way to encourage and correct me, so I’m improving a fair amount each day.

The roads in Kenya are either wonderful or horrible - no in between. There is a nice new two lane highway that goes ALMOST to Mombassa from Nairobi. The part that is finished is very nice, but about 60km north of Mombassa the new road ends and the rest is unbelievably. I thought the roads on the island of Chuuk in the South Pacific were bad but these are the worst I’ve ever seen


The next day was to be a trip to visit the ruins in Malini, which is where Vasco De Gamba stopped and built a fort in 1597, then on to “Hemmingways” a famous resort, and finally a trip on a glass bottom boat and some snorkeling. I have no idea why it’s so famous as it’s not even clear that Ernest Hemmingway visited here. There is a possibility that his brother, Oliver did, but nobody mentions him.

At 7:30 in the morning a van stopped at the hotel with a driver and guide. I kept expecting them to take me to the tourist bus. It turns out there was just me and one other person, and they spent the day touring just two people.

On the long bone rattling journey, the guide tries to fill up the journey with interesting tidbits. Like the local pubah has 120 wives, including our guide’s sister. My question whether Sleepworld makes a bed beg enough for 121 people was met with gales of laughter. It appears that the father of the bride and the groom get together get drunk and work out a dowry in goats and cows. I asked about chickens - evidently nobody barters in chickens. In fact they didn’t even think about the possibility until the moment I brought it up. I suggested that if the bride isn’t that attractive the groom’s side could offer a chicken. Sort of like leaving a lousy tip after a meal. This again was met with gales of laughter.

Hemmingway’s was nice - a five star hotel, but I’m still not sure why I was dragged on a 300km journey over horrible roads to see it. I did get to go on the glass bottom boat and a snorkeling trip before the trip back to the hotel.
Tomorrow on to Tsava National Park.

The Lion Sleeps tonight - Nothing on TV

By the second day at Figtree camp our new river had acquired a couple of hippos that came ashore right below my tent. The roads, if you can call them that, were still rivers of mud and all the land rovers get stuck every few minutes. The Masai have developed a method of extricating the vehicles that might prove useful in Canada.

First they spin the wheels until the car is buried in mud up to the floor boards. When the vehicle is totally immobile they wait till another landrover comes by. The 2nd land rover assess the situation then pulls up about 20 feet behind the first vehicle, guns the engine, puts the car in gear and rams the stuck vehicle thereby extricating it from the mud and assuring all in the first vehicle whiplash. Of course in the process it becomes stuck itself. Not to worry though, because in a few minutes another landrover will arrive and the process continues all day till darkness falls or they run out of land rovers. The secret is not to be the last landrover of the day or you might have to spend the night in the mud hole.

From the 2nd day I was assigned to a vehicle with two French couples who seemed totally oblivious to the game drives. They just sat in the back of the vehicle and talked to each other at the top of their lungs. Nothing seemed to interest them. I know I tried:
“Look There’s an elephant!”
Nothing
“Over there! A lion.
Nothing.
“Look coming out of the trees - A Tyrannosaurs Rex!!!!!
A bored gaulic glance.

Every one here seems to feel there trip is not a success unless they’ve seen the “Big Five” which is not to be confused with the “High Five” which is something totally different. The big five are the Lion, The Rhino, the Leopard, Elephant, and Buffalo. The most difficult to see are the Rhino of which there only about 46 Black Rhinos in all of Kenya, so there are tough to find. The leopard likes it’s privacy and is difficult to spot. The others are basically a dime a dozen and not too difficult to spot.

On the 2nd day we spotted a leopard - or rather he spotted us. He burst out of the brush roaring at us and took off. We tried later in the day to find him, and on the 3rd day as well but no luck. However on the last day another group had spotted him and we rushed to the spot to find a parking lot full of landrovers. As many of the occupants were French our two couples began a soiree at the top of their lungs. I was the only one looking, and finally spotted the leopard in a small cave in the river embakement. I could just make out his head and ears and settled in to wait. I figured he’d try and slink out and get away. I wasn’t expecting what happened next.

The leopard tired of listening to the French babble coming from the landrovers literally exploded from the cave and roarig at the top of his lungs charged the landrover. Believe it or not that seemed to get the French couples attention. I barely had time to drop my binoculars grab my camera and shoot blind before the leopard, turned at the last moment and streaked away. By some pure chance I got a great shot. Everyone else was too shocked to do anything.
g the obnoxious French couples) visited a Masai village. For the first bit it seemed pretty exciting. A few of us (includining, we were met by son of the chief and all the women in the village danced for us, then the men did as well. Then we were led through gate where the bazaar was set up. Entertainment is over, business time now. We also got to go inside one of their homes. If you saw the “Bridge Over the River Kwai” and remember the box they locked Alec Guinness in - well that was a luxury condo. And if you’re cool, just throw another piece of dung on the fire.

On the last day we saw over 30 lions doing everything from eating, defecating and mating, and of course I have pictures of all of the above. The mating is very much like humans. The mail climbs on top of the female, bites her ear does his thing, and then she says she has a headache, bats him off of her and they both go to sleep.

On the last drive of the last day, our Masai guide, William and I, stood looking over the African Savannah.
“What is Canada like?” William asked me.
“Our prairies look very much like this.” I told him.” Mostly flat with gentle rolling hills.”
“Are there Lions in Canada” William asked me.
“No.” I said.
“I don’t think I could live somewhere where there weren’t Lions.” He sad sadly.
“I know how you feel.” I replied. “I don’t think I can live somewhere without cable.”